if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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