You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
