I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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