my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
