so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
