Im at strip club and am horny
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
