if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
