HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
