Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
