I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
