moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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