Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
