When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
