When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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