I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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