I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
