Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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