i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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