if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
