I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
