You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
