Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
