I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
