Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize