Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
