Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
