I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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