i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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