Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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