You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
