O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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