i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
