Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
