i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
