I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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