i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
