What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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