I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She's the barista slut.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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