You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
