you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
