last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
