Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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