i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
