I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
