i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
