IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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