Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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