Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
