How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
