Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
