I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
