i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
