It's just like the Real World with babies
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
