Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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