I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
