6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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