Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
