Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
