He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
