My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
