You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
