Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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