She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
