Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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