what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
