Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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