i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
