I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Panties = found
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
