I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The Olympian is in my bed
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
