At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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