There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
