I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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